10/17: Human Centipede 3 (ugh)

10/17: Ugh. I'm gonna keep this short and sweet.

Tonight's "film," if you can call this pile of contrived bullshit that, was Human Centipede 3. I watched the first two in previous binges so I thought I had some obligation to watch the third.

Boy, I couldn't have been more wrong.

There is nothing redeemable or entertaining about this movie. I can probably count on one hand the amount of times I've shut off a movie that was so bad I couldn't watch it anymore. This one came damn close at least three times (I'm looking at you, castration scene). The entire concept of sewing people together anus to mouth is just as dumb as it was the first two times. Dieter Laser, the villain from the first film, is back again in this one and has somehow catapulted his irritating factor into the stratosphere. I could understand maybe a third of everything he screamed (he literally spends the entire "film" screaming) and he seriously looks like he should be dead. Are we sure he's not a reanimated body?

This movie is literally a half hour of plot somehow Gumby-ed to the breaking point over nearly two hours. That's me being generous. Somehow this movie is negatively entertaining. It is atrocious. Tom Six should be tried for war crimes for making this abomination.

Tom Six, I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul. Actually, I hope he doesn't.

negative-like-a-billion-or-something-I-don't-give-a-crap-anymore/10