BEHIND! Blair Witch and The Babysitter

I've fallen a couple days behind--yeah, I suck. Here's the movies for the past couple days:

10/12: I'm probably one of the vast minority of horror fans that was left incredibly underwhelmed by The Blair Witch Project, especially after so many years of it being built up so much. It really boiled down to a lot of jump scares produced by characters screaming and an incredibly disappointing ending. 

But this review isn't for The Blair Witch Project, but rather the sequel Blair Witch... but, honestly, what I have to say is pretty much the same. Blair Witch treads nearly identical ground as it's predecessor: people get lost in the woods, get tormented by witch demon monster thingy, roll to credits feeling dissatisfied. Blair Witch doesn't add anything to the narrative. The jump scares are predictable and the shaky cam is too; I can't hardly see a damn thing but people sweating, man.

Really, Blair Witch should be retitled: Damn People Don't Know How to Camp. Yo, you got your Black Diamond backpack and matching jacket but you're wearing designer swede boots. What the shit is that! No wonder the witch/creature/thing is wanting to kill you,  the spirit of "You Suck at Outdoorsing Retribution" wants your soul. You don't know how to set up a tent, for crying out loud! You flop out the pole thingys, stick 'em in the hole, and you're home free. It ain't rocket science. I'm telling you, THAT'S how you pissed the spirit off. Rightfully so, damn it.

It should be telling that the bulk of my review is chastising these jabronis for their camping skills. 

5/10 

10/13: It's officially a Friday the 13th in October! And... I unfortunately picked a stinker for my Friday the 13th movie. Huge sigh. Tonight's film was the new Netflix flick, The Babysitter. I figured, hey, a slasher for Friday the 13th! Can't go wrong there, right? Even for a comedic slasher (which, let's be honest, most slashers are), should be swell. The movie finds a young teen who has a super hot babysitter who turns out to be a murdering satanist for reasons that are never adequately explained. The kid finds out, the babysitter and her friends try to hunt him down, and there ya go.

Yeah well The Babysitter's kind of a mess, and violates one of Sean's Pet Peeves: decide what kind of movie you're making and go full steam ahead to make that movie. The Babystter wants to be a lot of things: a horror comedy, an 80s style teen movie, a coming of age tale, an 80s style slasher, etc. The list goes on. Here's the problem: it's pretty middling at making any one of those movies. If McG (seriously, screw this guy for making me call him that), the director, had devoted the time and energy to making one or even two of those into a solid movie the core idea of the movie could have created something really cool. I'm all for genre mashups, but sell it to me and do it with some oomf. Most of The Babysitter's jokes fall flat and despite some cool scenes and a cool idea the entire movie seems to fall flat too. It's cheesy, but never cheesy enough to be a b-movie; it's murder-y, but never scary enough to be a full slasher; it's got attitude, but never enough to have true edge. 

Towards the end of the movie the kid says a line that I think really summarizes what's wrong here: "It's Sci-fi. You can do anything you want." Yeah, well, Mc-frickin-G, it's horror, and you can do anything you want, too. You either took that too much to heart and delivered this meh piece of work, or you didn't take it to heart enough and created a underheated, unfocused movie. What's here is another forgettable horror flick. 

6/10