10/13: My Bloody Valentine and Slumber Party Massacre

Getting there on the catch ups. Yesterday's slasher double feature:

10/13: Today's double feature was a couple of classic 80s slashers, My Bloody Valentine and The Slumber Party Massacre. It feels almost silly to review these movies separately, but what the hell. I guess I owe them that much. 

So first up let's hit My Bloody Valentine, a movie whose reboot (in 3D!) I faintly realized I watched back in college. I was like was like, "Boy, this plot is familiar..." until I realized that, yes, I had already basically seen it. Oops. 

Anywho, My Bloody Valentine. Now if you've ever sat around on Valentine's Day and heard the phrase "Be Mine" and wondered, "Hey, what if a MINEr who hated Valentine's Day (maybe because he was over the perceived wrong use of the word "mine?") finally lost it and killed people ON Valentine's Day," well, then, is this the movie for you. 

What's that you say? Literally NO ONE has ever had that thought? Well, apparently someone did bucko, because this movie exists.

I'll make YOU mine! Because I'm a miner. Get it? Oh wait you're dead. Damn.

Easily one of the oddest concepts for a slasher (which is saying something), My Bloody Valentine isn't bad, I guess? Definitely a mid-grade slasher, especially in the face of the Halloweens of the world, My Bloody Valentine can just straight up drag in parts. The kills are cool and all for an 80s movie, but ultimately with minimal soundtrack and a lot of stupid kids running around a mine, I was left with a lot of... eh? Mix in an atrociously predictable twist ending, and you've got a perfect recipe for underwhelming. Ultimately this is just another run of the mill 80s slasher to throw on the pile. 

5/10

The second film in today's slasher duo was the at-least-more-entertaining The Slumber Party Massacre. Now, get this: this movie is about... wait for it... a slumber party massacre. 

DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN

I mean... can I just end the review there? I mean, this is exactly the type of movie you'd expect with a title like The Slumber Party Massacre. There's a bunch of large-breasted dumb girls who like taking their tops off (don't all girls take their tops off at slumber parties?) who are really good at getting killed. In this case, they're so good at getting killed by an escaped murderer whose weapon of choice is the extremely phallic massive drill thing. 

Yeah, I mean, I guess I got exactly what I (figuratively) paid for. Some peeps died in gruesome, stupid ways and girls ran around screaming. The male gaze is at it's worst here like most slashers and well I guess this movie is a thing that happened. So there ya go. It was fun as it could be.

6/10