Halloween 3: Season of the Witch

October 18, 2018

Halloween 3: Season of the Witch

Hey look at that, I finally caught up! Go me!

Today's film was easily the weirdest and most often forgetten entry in the Halloween franchise, Halloween 3: Season of the Witch. I figured giving the only Halloween movie to not include Michael Myers a watch on the day that the Halloween reboot-sequel is coming out is only appropriate.

I've wanted to watch Halloween 3 for a few years now, if for no other reason than the burning question: what the hell is a Halloween movie sans Michael Myers? Well, evidently it's this weird but surprisingly actually good film. Halloween 3 throws out the William Shatner-masked madman we've all come to love in favor of a plot revolving around killer masks, witchcraft (kinda?), annoying commercials, and a big warning about commercialism or something. Basically, a millionaire mask maker (who has made his fortune from selling literally 3 different Halloween masks. So basically Jeff Bezos?) with a love for witchcraft has cursed his wares. The masks, in conjunction with a commercial that will air Halloween night, will kill any child wearing said masks. Their heads melt, turning into snakes and spiders and some crap. If that plot sounds whacky, well, that's because it totally is, but somehow it's just ridiculous enough to be kinda cool.

Ultimately, Halloween 3 is like looking into an alternate future. What if the movie had actually been successful (but seriously, who greenlit this movie and thought everyone was gonna be like, "Cool! We don't need Michael Myers in a Halloween movie! Give me commercial-activated killer Halloween masks instead!") and Halloween would have become an anthology movie series? A different horror film revolving around a different theme releasing each year under the Halloween moniker actually sounds like a way cooler idea to me than the largely terrible Halloween sequels we've been given. Plus, bonus, Rob Zombie wouldn't have been given a paying job making unwatchable installments to the series! Score!

Don't get me wrong, this film is all kinds of flawed and full of missed opportunities (like the possibility of having a child Michael Myers watching the commercial as a child while wearing his mask and THAT'S what made him go crazy! Damn, I should have written this movie). That said, I don't think it's deserving of it's spot in history. It's weird and fun, a popcorn-y horror idea that still manages to be creepy at parts. It will still always be cursed with it's Halloween name, but it shouldn't being ignored for leaving out our ol' pal Michael Myers.

A sidenote: this commercial would drive ANYONE insane. Like, you don't need some witchcraft monolith powering it. It's already stuck in my head to the point where I'm pretty sure I want to get in there and cut it out. I'm pretty sure including it in the film was an experiment to see if it turn all of US into killer maniacs.

Happy happy Halloween, Halloween, happy happy Halloween, Halloween, Silver Shamrock!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

8/10

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